i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
