Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
