Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My friends, they love my intelligence
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize