can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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