Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
