the condom got lost in my hair
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
