I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
