walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize