We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My hand turned me down
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
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