if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
