My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think people are normalizing furries
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize