I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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