I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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