I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize