We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think your dad took our porno
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
