we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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