I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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