10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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