Can Purell be used as lube?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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