1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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