My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
