The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
