cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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