I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
