If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
