The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
