"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
