this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
