My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize