dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
