Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it hurts more in the daytime
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
