my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
