I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
