he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize