So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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