I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
