I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
