He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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