Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
