...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
