I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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