I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
