You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
