I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
