Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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