Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
