god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
