you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
