I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
