Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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