she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
