i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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