Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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