It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
