She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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