Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
