Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
