i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
