Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
