We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
