So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize