wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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