Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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