to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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