You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
dude. I can hear the air.
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