Tell her she can't have a vagina
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
