We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
