It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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