she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i already hear my dad disowning me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
