Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
