return my video game
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
