and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
