All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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