apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
