I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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