Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
