Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
