the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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