Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
