there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So squirting runs in the family.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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