I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
