Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
