how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
