I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
