I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
