Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
