he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
