So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
