Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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