True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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