sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
