LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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