I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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