I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
