I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
