i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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