No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
