She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
