Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
