I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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